The Difference between the children: which is better?
As is known, the optimal difference between children for all families exist, only General recommendations based on the timing of the restoration of the female body and the process of growing a child when he is psychologically separated from her mother and less traumatic to endure the appearance of the baby. This difference is about three years.
However, all families are different, and you cannot give a guarantee for a happy parenthood just because the children had the “right to difference”. Have a happy family with kids-pogodki. There are some poor children with “appropriate margin”. I’m sure it’s not just the timing. Everything is in your hands.
We have collected the pros and cons of different options to other moms it easier to understand what to expect. Thanks to everyone who participated in this discussion and shared their experience!
The difference of 1-1. 5 years.
What difficulties may arise to the parents? Mom still hasn’t really recovered from the birth of their first child. Carrying older during pregnancy. Every child should be given maximum time. A lot of care for the kids. Senior large account he does not know how to Express my thoughts, he does not know how to verbalize their emotions. Yet habits like spending time with him alone, how to communicate with him. Often change modes children, only to adapt to one – and again all over again.
It so happens that the oldest child begins the period when he begins to fear to stay without mom, to be out of the house without mom. If the mother goes to the hospital, it also affected his behavior. On his health.
Look at this movie:
John / John (James Robertson, Joyce Robertson) 1969
The film shows the short-term impact of separation from parents at a young child. He was one of a series of films, which in detail shows the impact on children of separation from parents.
From the description of the film:
“Robertson showed to John the first in the UK and then abroad. The film is deeply impressed and affected the majority of the audience, including the Minister of health of great Britain. Thanks to the film many people had the opportunity to understand the suffering of children separated from their parents. This film has also sparked a serious debate about what forms of care for children are acceptable. This, in turn, led to a fundamental change in the system of care for children. As a result pasterovskaya (replacement) family became an officially recognised form of education.
Children were placed in potterovskie family in cases where the finding of the child in the family is impossible. Children’s homes in the UK were closed.”
It so happens that as soon as the mother takes the baby to handle, the senior immediately demands attention, upset, nervous, strongly distracts a mother’s attention to himself. It may be harmful to the baby, we may have to refuse him something to share, to push him off, to strongly protest against his appearance. And when they grow up, you start desperately for everything to fight each other, compete. For toys, a bowl of porridge, for my mother’s love.
For who first escaped, or take anything from it, or something will eat it all. Often the older child can sometimes be “rolled back” in development, striving to imitate the younger.
What advantages does this difference?
When children grow up a little bit, very easy to synchronize the order of the day. So together they went to bed, ate together, etc. Grown the same age play together better, they have more common interests, they learn very quickly from each other. Together in the garden to give or to school.
The child emulates older and starts to develop faster. He is one to watch when a senior goes to the potty when he eats or takes possession of new skills – the younger the child is an example.
The difference from 1.5 to 4 years.
In children with this difference jealousy manifests itself stronger. The older child has used that he is alone and he finds it hard to accept the fact that her mother need someone to share. The unwillingness to share toys that used to be his unwillingness to share space. It is difficult for parents to adapt to two different routines. Senior plays with the baby for a short time, and then interest to a brother or sister is lost. The eldest child is irritated and generally doesn’t want the baby came, something broke, something was taken away.
It so happens that senior snuggle with a younger brother or sister as a kitten, and mom never had a minute to leave the kids alone. We cannot afford for a walk: a senior thinks that he’s a big, and may, for example, from the Playground to go home himself. Moreover, the situation is complicated by the fight over toys.
However, there are big pluses for this difference! Mom were better able to recover after childbirth. Relationship with as a child my mother had already more or less happened: I understand how to play, how to interact, what is interesting to the child. How to find a common language. Older kids with such a difference seek to protect and nurture the younger, want to teach them many things. At the same time attracted to younger elders, they see them as role models. And not just a role model, they adoringly look at them, I respect and look forward to that will be the same deft and skillful in the future. Older this difference is easier to put to sleep someone from the family, many of the care issues are less acute than in children-pogodok.
The difference from 4 to 8 years.
Most children with this difference is not interested in spending time with each other. They have very different interests. And mom it is difficult to arrange common for children activities and games. Most children with this common difference almost no friends, everyone lives their life. Since the child is already big enough, mom to pay much attention to younger and older kids usually are very upset about it. what they rejected or forgotten. Mom and dad earlier played with him, all his Affairs were interested in. My mother lived before them only now. Now there is another man, was less love and more responsibilities. Often the whole life of the family centers around the tiny creatures, which appeared with the family. Therefore, the eldest child, of course, pretty hard. The Junior also not going smoothly. He is less allow. He is not allowed to walk, he is not allowed to watch cartoons as much as watching an older child. He is not allowed to take his phone to take him some things. It means that he is less. He feel left out and the situation seems not very fair.
What are the benefits of such difference?
Mother easier to deal with children, as a senior can help, can serve himself. It can help my mother to sit next to the baby and to take something of a little brother or sister, pogremet rattle while mom wash my hair or cook porridge.
Very important, the eldest child at this age understands that appeared in the family of a brother or sister already not going anywhere. Not infrequently, parents have to hear little kids talking about the younger: “Take him back to the hospital!” or “I don’t want it, give it to somebody!”. After 4 years, children understand that a new member of the family will remain in the house forever.
The eldest child begins to feel important in relation to the baby. And often attracts attention, saying “Look what I can do”, “Look how strong I am!”. You can see the delight of both children in such interactions.
In this age among children less fighting and fighting over toys. Senior already knows to understand that he is angry, understand that he is mad. It helps him to come to my mother, for example, that she was comforted.
The difference is more than 8 years.
If the previous age category, we said that children 4 to 8 years already understand your feelings and can adequately Express and come to for comfort, at an older age they already know how to suppress them. That is, she did not always see that a child experiences, she did not always understand the true cause of the child’s difficulties, illness, poor behavior. Jealousy or anger can be suppressed, and complete calm visible to others is actually a storm of inner turmoil inside.
An even greater difference in the routines of children, increases the difference in interests. Parents are able to switch almost completely to the baby, depriving the attention of an older child.
Substantial advantages of such differences between children are that seniors better understand younger than the parents, so those with lots of attention to them listen more trust. Seniors start to patronize his younger, feels younger, under the protection, and the senior feels important and meaningful. More adult. Junior willingly turns to senior for help. Sometimes older children feel the joy of what they had the role of older sister or brother, and quite patiently teach youngsters the tricks of life, what to do how to behave, not lecture and show and inform.