Tips psychologist parents
Hard age. Adolescence age, which fearfully expecting almost all parents. The period between childhood and adolescence, when it comes to love, but none of them knows what it is. When changing the figure, but they are ashamed of their beauty, because they do not know is good or bad. After parting with pink childhood and being at a crossroads, a teenager eager to become an adult, trying to break with the rigid control of the family and the school, is committed to independence, actively looking out for himself, and by trial and error. Physical development, puberty occurring at this age, they reinforce a sense of maturity, and bias due to social immaturity, the appropriate attitude of adults is constantly and ruthlessly toss it to the child. Age drama pushes him into conflict with adults, care of them, to unite with their own kind, focus on their evaluation. These estimates are very often contrary to generally accepted norms of behavior and are manifestations of teenage negativism, which can lead to not very good consequences. The age when they committed a lot of mistakes, first sexual experience, which often leads to pregnancy, abortion. They are still children and still play games, but only now an adult. Breaking Windows smoothly flows into hooliganism, stealing, and the teenager could easily become a juvie. The first cigarette, the first glass of wine be a beautiful and romantic beginning of alcoholism and drug addiction. Children with a weak nervous system, not finding understanding among loved ones, Express their crisis age in suicidal attempts. All of this impacts not only the neglect of children. Difficult child can grow quite wealthy families. Parents make mistakes in communicating with children and their education, whatever their age, wealth or education level. All of these factors, of course, also have their effect, but would be another error.
The most typical mistakes in the upbringing of children:
1. Gipoprotektsiya. Increased freedom of action in the child. His actions are not controlled. Parents know nothing about my child, where and with whom he spends time, how to get involved. Parents formally perform their functions, but do not invest in the education of personal meaning. As a result, the child is forced to seek the necessary values and norms outside the family. And not always, these rules do not contradict his health, psyche and public law.
2. Giperprotektsiya. Education, which is based on increased attention to the baby and increased control over him. Parents want to fully control the behavior of the child, to make his own copy of the value-normative system. In such a system of education completely ignored the personality of the child. Resulting in a sharp drop in adaptive abilities of the individual: conflicts with peers, helplessness, consumer position. And many adolescents, this type of education, on the contrary, causes a huge outcry, leading to the worsening of relations with parents and to various disorders of behavior.
3. The “idol” family “Mimosae education “. The aim of parents is satisfaction of all the needs of the child, the desire to rid him of any difficulties. The child eventually becomes self-centered, always wanting to be the center of attention, everyone desired to get with ease, without much difficulty. When confronted with real-life difficulties he finds himself unable to cope with them.
4. Emotional rejection. Education by type of Cinderella. The mother or father burdened by a child who constantly feels it, especially if the family has another child, receiving from more attention. Such education contributes to the development of increased vulnerability and sensitivity, defensiveness and secrecy.
5. Violent relationships. Cruel attitude with the harsh punishments for minor infractions and disobedience causing the child’s fear of parents bitterness. Such children often grow up to be violent people.
6. The upbringing of a child Prodigy. Parents want to give the child the broadest possible education, to develop it, often perceived ability. In addition to learning in school, the child engaged in music, foreign language, sports. He is always busy, in a hurry. In such cases, the child is deprived of the opportunity to participate in children’s games, connect with their peers. His protest against such a regime. He tries to get rid of excessive loads, doing them formally. This congestion contributes to the development of increased exhaustion of the nervous system and anxiety.
Any child from any family in any country in need of parental love. Need to be sure that someone loves him with all her heart, completely disinterested. This can only parents. And most importantly, in any relationship, friends – trust. Trust your child and talk with him from the position of an adult, a scream you’ll never amount to anything. The shouting and the punishment you will be a normal mom and dad, and you must become a child in this age friend. A friend with whom he can share his thoughts and problems that confronted him. And every child can grow a very good person, if it will be someone else.
“NOT” you should be aware of every parent
1. Don’t ask endless questions, otherwise the child will feel like a suspect.
2. Not peredraznivaet child and not be sarcastic.
3. Don’t talk when you can listen.
4. Don’t place the teenager without support when it is difficult.
5. Do not cross out the friends of a teenager from plans for the weekend, even if you really want to just stay in the family.
6. Do not use your phone and computer in order to spy on the child and to ferret out the secrets that he is willing to share.
The rules of communication with the child
1. You can Express displeasure at the actions of the child but not the child in General.
2. You can condemn the actions of the child, but not his feelings, no matter how undesirable they may be. Once they had arisen, for good reason.
3. Do not ask your child impossible or difficult. Instead, look at what you can change in the environment.
4. An expression of dissatisfaction with the behaviour of the child may not be systematic, otherwise it ceases to be perceived.
5. Try not to usurp the emotional problems of the child.
6. Allow your child to meet with the negative consequences of their actions or their inaction. Only then it will grow up and become conscious.
7. If a child is difficult and it is ready to accept your help, definitely help him, but take only what he can’t do yourself, then leave the child to do it yourself.
8. If a child’s behavior is causing you negative feelings, tell him about it.
10. To avoid further issues and conflicts, compare their expectations with the child’s abilities.