Cheat sheet for parents
“Crazy – Art look at the situation from another point of view – one of the most important art of worldly wisdom.
PERSONAL VALUE CAN NOT BE EARNED BY BEHAVIOR
For mom and dad similar…
Of course to adopt a child is to love him just for what he is!
Vital needs of the child: the need for love . the need for control . the need for belonging and usefulness .
The positive attitude of the child is the basis for their psychological survival.
The principles of effective communication:
2. Reflection of feelings.
3. Respect the child’s personality.
4. Specificity of communication.
Support – the token provided to the person in a situation where it is objectively unsuccessful, made in the form of direct speech statements concerning the area in which he currently difficulties. Support excludes comparison with anyone but himself.
Remember that success breeds success and enhances confidence in their abilities.
The principles of conflict-discipline:
1. Rules (limitations, requirements, prohibitions) must be in the child’s life.
2. Rules (restrictions, requirements, prohibitions) should not be too many, and they should be flexible.
3. Parent requirement should not come into clear conflict with the essential needs of the child.
4. Rules (limitations, requirements, prohibitions) should be agreed between older.
5. Tone, stating the requirement or prohibition should be rather friendly-raising than imperative.
6. to Punish the child, depriving him of a good than doing bad to him.
Area of joy (big and small joint activities, family Affairs, traditions) – this is the “Golden Fund” of your life with your child.
If the child calls you by his behavior negative feelings, tell him this, using I-statements according to the following scheme:
1. “When I see that …”
“When this happens…”
“When I’m faced with …”
2. “I feel…
…confusion, resentment, joy…”
“I have a problem…”
“I don’t know how to react…”
If a child is ridiculed, he becomes withdrawn.
If a child is constantly criticized, he learns to hate.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns of aggressiveness.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in people.
If the child support, he learns to appreciate himself.
If the child grows in understanding and friendliness, he learns to find love in this world.
The parent from the child:
l don’t spoil me, you spoil me. I know very well that it is not necessary to give me what I require. I was just testing you.
l don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer this approach. This allows me to find its place.
l Not be inconsistent. It throws me off and makes harder to attempt in all cases to leave the last word.
l don’t worry too much when I say “I hate you”. I don’t mean it. I just want you to regret what you’ve done to me.
l don’t make me feel younger than I am, actually. I will take it out on you for it, becoming the “crybaby”
l don’t do for me what I can do for myself, and then I have to make a habit to use you as a maid.
l do Not correct me in the presence of strangers. I will pay much more attention to your comment, if you will tell me is quiet in the eye.
l don’t try to read me instructions and notation. You will be surprised how gorgeous I know what is good and what is bad.
l do Not find fault with me and not nag at me. If you will be doing, I will be forced to defend themselves by pretending to be deaf.
l don’t protect me from the consequences of their own mistakes, I learn from my experiences.
l do Not pay much attention to my ailments. I can learn to enjoy poor health, if it attracts me so much attention.
l don’t try to avoid me when I ask Frank questions. I will seek information on the side.
l don’t worry that we spend too little time together. What matters is how we spend it.
l Treat me as you would to your friends. Then I too will be your friend. Teaches me not criticism, but an example to follow.
l And besides, remember that I love you very much .
Please answer me with love.