Foster child: fears and doubts
the First in this year meeting of the club of foster parents and adoptive parents, organized by the Department of social projects that was, as they say, with a Bang. In the wording of the site on 4 February it was not crowded – the event brought together more than 30 people. They shared with each other and psychologist Chelyabinsk crisis center Inna Lapshina their fears and doubts, which was devoted to the topic of conversation.
“At a meeting of the club foster parent for the first time so many people came: I started the project with just six families. – admitted the Director for social projects site. – Of course, we expected it to be a sell-out, as we receive many calls from those who want. We are very happy because the guys got more potential parents.”
Six families of newcomers who came to the meeting already collect the paperwork to take the child from the orphanage. Ten pairs just wondering, are prepared to commit so serious in my life step. Doubt, as it turned out, all similar. About your fears with the club members shared their foster mom with experience Olga .
“I am the mother of a loner, so it was scary and hard to dip one in this thread was not the Club’s adoptive parents,” recalls Olga.
At first she was scared to go to the, to begin to collect documents, to cross this threshold. But in the process of gathering the necessary information, all doubts disappeared somewhere. Scary moment occurred, according to Olga, when she got my hands on the conclusion that it is possible to be a foster parent.
“I realized that now we have to go and choose a child – there is fear covered at all, – says Olga. – Am I doing? And if I really need it? It seems to me that all of this encounter”.
A young woman came to the Department of custody and guardianship and gave her the works of the orphanages that she chose her child. This, as stressed by all club members, to foster parent the worst thing is: how to determine that this is the most, your, native baby?
Olga, perhaps lucky. In the child’s home she had to show the three girls, but in the hands of Celebici fell asleep two-year baby, which led first. “I are unable to give it, – says Olga (from the rush of memories happy mother even shed a tear). – I read the diagnoses (us quickly then removed), delivered the baby, but I heard nothing, I wasn’t scared. I only thought that here he is my little man.”
The doubts of a young woman, however, did not evaporate. New: what if her daughter will not give up? How will the baby of the family? What if the girl won’t get used to the fact that Olga is her mother? It was not so: grandparents dote granddaughter in and adjust to their new life difficult was it Olga. It seemed to her then difficult to rebuild their lives, what she didn’t expect.
With Olga agreed other “old men” of the club. They all agreed on one thing: fears abound, but they are fast disappearing, when the family has a long-awaited child. It does not matter what age is he.
The mother of two blood sons Aksana . for example, from the orphanage took three-year-old boy and nine-year-old girl. Sasha – as she affectionately calls the boy is already six years old, and he truly believes and feels that he is native. Masha is now 14 years old, she quickly adapted. Like all teenagers, now it can show your character. To say, “Mom, go away, don’t bother now to me.” But it’s totally normal – awkward age, I’m sure Aksana.
The moderator of the club, Director of social projects believes that the path to their child,a lot of different tests and it doesn’t need to be afraid of, just need to be prepared: “Meeting with your child can happen at once, and not in the way you imagine. We know cases when potential guardians by photo they found the child, but then for various reasons could not take him. For example, it may be brothers and sister, one, two, three, and to give to the family them together. Be patient and don’t be discouraged if something went wrong, as you’d expect. Your child will still be found”.
This confirms the story of a foster mother, Marina . “We’ve come for the boy one and a half years. And they showed us the picture of a girl of five years, which was very similar to her husband. So we in the family have a Nasty”.
Those who came for the first time, wondered how we meet the blood of foster children. Experienced foster parents and adoptive parents unanimously said that the guys quickly find a common language.
“With proper parenting family children receive a great experience: they brought the goodness, caring for others,” explained the psychologist of the school of adoptive parents Inna Lapshina .
Speaking about whether there is a link to the child’s age and the process of adaptation, it is assured that no. “Every situation is different, – said Inna Lapshina. – We cannot say that, if you take the older child, it would be difficult to adapt, and a small child, on the contrary, you will immediately get used to it, he formed attachment to you, and all will be well. It all depends on the child and the adult. Completely different can be the adaptation of the two children of the same age. It all depends on the willingness of the parent to work, from psychological compatibility of parent and child, the type of personality nuances… actually a lot.”
Natalia Kuznetsova agrees with the psychologist: “do Not be afraid to adopt a child older relationship difficulties can occur with babies. You can always ask for help in a crisis cent. Much depends on the adult, his desire to understand the situation. I recommend to look at the “Day of the stork” is a story about the adoptive parents, foster parents. For example, the story of a young couple who adopted into the family of a teenage girl. In General, do not be afraid to take older children, psychologists, too, confirm that the age of the adaptation depends”.
Note, psychologists have identified four stages of adaptation, read more about them in the article “disobedience to true love” on the site.
Club members had a long talk with each other and psychologist crisis center. The conversation from the conference room flowed smoothly in different parts of the site. Thinking of taking child. wondered how to convince my husband to wait for him to agree: “If I was in doubt, take the child or not, just decided today that I would take”.
“If your relatives are not yet ready for such a step, it is impossible to solve this problem radically, – said Natalia Kuznetsova. – Should contact the advisors of the school of adoptive parents. They will tell you how to behave to close your position and it was a mutual decision.”
His secret said Tatiana . “Today I met the girl who designed the guest mode. So I started with him that the husband somehow got used. But problems with orphanages were many. If guest does not need to care to discover the child. But I was given the heave: we have, like, girls desired age no. And only in the orphanage №8 was able to meet with the child”.
Natalia Kuznetsova advises in cases of violation of the established order go directly into the city’s custody or in the custody of the Ministry: “do Not be shy to assert their rights”
“But I have questions of this kind, – says Polina . – how is the first period in the family, how to combine work and initial stage up to the device to kindergarten? Questions of a legal nature: removal of a foster child abroad on holiday? And as the protection of the child and my family from previous family (if any), extortion and so on. We are at the stage of consideration, read a lot of information on the Internet. Thought, because my daughter is asking and I want to help the child. There are many questions, but we discuss it all in the family and are preparing to collect the documents.”
As usual, the club was not enough to discuss all issues, so there are many reasons for communication to the prospective adoptive parents and professionals have a need for an invitation specialists. The next meeting of the assurance of the organizers will be held in early March.