Mom, I’m scared…
Childhood fears – almost a full component of their life – if only because, quite fearless children almost never occurs. To some extent this can probably be considered the norm, of course, if the fears do not become manic and not interfere with the child’s normal to live and grow.
Glory 10 years . He is broad-shouldered, sturdy boy, who is ready all day to climb on roofs and jump over fences. But once night falls, it’s like a substitute: public, noisy, cheerful Tomboy he turns into a small frightened animal, who at the slightest sound of the door runs to sleep at my mom. There he instantly calms down and falls asleep…
When did it all start? For a long time. One day he went with his father on a fishing trip. Father – in innocence! – put the baby down, and he went with friends on a “hunt”. But when he returned, he found his son sitting under the table, wrapped in blankets. However, did not attach any importance to this occasion and only joked: “one More time – and a real man will become!” Only “more time” turned the big issues.
The child’s mother went on a business trip, and his father stayed with him at home. He stubbornly pretended not to notice, that in his absence the child hiding under the bed and waits for his return, not getting out of there. Once in the house took off the cork, and his father, unfortunately, was delayed at work. When LON came back, barely able to pull his son from under the bed. Over the next three days the boy didn’t speak at all, then it came back. However, instead of the silence came a terrible stutter. Then medical help is needed both: the father was so scared for my son, that this fear and he turned into a state of phobia.
What happened? In principle, a common situation. The boy is mostly engaged in emotional mother, who Willy-nilly taught him to believe that trees talk, swears wind, and the rain crying. Then the first shock: imagine him, still a baby, in a hunting hut, to Wake up alone. What was it like to sit under the table and flinch at the slightest noise? Then the second shock: what was it like to lie in bed and be afraid to even cry, not to attract the attention of evil forces.
In this case, could only help the serious psychotherapy. But not to bring to such, I strongly advise parents to listen to quite simple tips and try to follow them.
Rule one . Excluded “bagatelle” elements. Do not panic, either conscious or unconscious child by nobody: neither a Troll, nor wolf, nor the forest, nor uncle is a policeman. After all, if you look, any kind of fear similar to the fear of death – what else can be all these terrible horror stories. Why did the child adjust to the initially negative and hack at the root of the enthusiasm and creativity? What will become of this child? Insecure, anxious, passive and repressed personality, able only to follow the samples to make sure nothing happens.
The second rule. The categorical prohibition on ridiculing children’s fears. What we are trying to achieve by this? The disappearance of fear? Want to disappoint: due to the ridicule he only increased! Why? Because the only effective solution in this is to give the child maximum information. What is he afraid of? Of the dark? Tell him why the street is dark, show globe, illuminated with bright light. The wolf? Go with him to the zoo and show a real wolf: let your child try with him to “negotiate”. Explain that many animals jump on someone just because it is trying to defend himself. Let the child will promise all the same wolf that will not offend – and the conflict is settled!
Incidentally, studies show that women are much easier to part with fears than men. Probably, the reason for this also lies in childhood: girls are allowed to “be afraid”, and they were able miraculously to outgrow this child’s illness by purchasing a fairly strong immunity. But the boys we regularly say that they have no right to be afraid: they’re boys! But it did not help them – only prevents and creates all the necessary preconditions for the development of complexes and phobias in the future.
Rule three . In an unfamiliar environment always remain near the child. By the way, this fear is due to a crying baby, when they bring him to kindergarten: everything is unfamiliar, there’s new faces… Maybe they smile while mom is here. By the way, to fall into a stupor and heart-rending scream – generally in the blood of all kids, including kids animals: while they don’t know any other way to react to a potentially dangerous situation. When the baby grows up, he tries to run away and then attack itself – as in the situation with the wolf. But it’s nothing more than a manifestation of the same the child’s fear, which was not cured properly in the allotted time.
Only now this evolution is quite natural and justified – has absolutely no place if a child was constantly left alone with danger. What then? Then he doesn’t implode first stage and, even as an adult, will fall into a stupor at the sight of danger and heart-rending scream. Without his mother, he will not learn how to be truly independent and able to defend ourselves. Such children grow infantile young people who will constantly look for a new “nurse”, is able finally to protect them.
The child is afraid to sleep alone? Of course! And darkness, and loneliness! Method “leave-one: after two days is to fill a nice little”, of course, will only will not solve the problem: fears will remain. Much better to warn the child that you will come if he needs anything, and once released, will sit near his crib. And break a promise in any case it is impossible! The only way to fight fears, and nervosa.
Generally children’s fears are often based on the instinct of self-preservation – hence the fear of loneliness (loss of mother), heights, the dark. But the main reason still lies in the lack of self-confidence and high anxiety. And here they come only from ignorance. “Know your enemy, you are defeated!” – just as much as the kids. So why not help them cope with fears thus.
The conclusion is that the best psychotherapy – game. Try to beat terrible for the child’s situation. Let him be a wolf, Baba Yaga; let his character scares mom and then with her loud laughs. Only own laughter he can defeat fear is an axiom.
Let the child draw someone afraid. And then, along with the mother may he draw himself – strong and armed to the teeth. Try it now, the wolf (or Baba Yaga) come: himself (herself) to ask for forgiveness for what frightened (frightened)! But still a very good idea to draw a scary character something that will make it not only scary, but funny…