What to do when your child is lying?
First, the child learns to speak, then he learns to speak the truth then to lie. And when this momentous event happens, parents can congratulate themselves – their child has become an adult. Yet just yesterday the baby babbled something unintelligible.
And today – listen – he had already started to build lucid phrases that are meaningful to talk and comment on everything that happens to him and around. Parents are happy, they quickly learn to properly pronounce sounds and build sentences. Moreover, they taught him to speak the truth. The truth and nothing but the truth. Because the lies – it’s terrible, she never will, secret will be made manifest. This is taught to every child from early childhood. Spoke – be kind, tell the truth. What to do when your child is lying, and how to help him?
The cycle of lies
It would seem that explaining to your child that lying is bad, we adults are doing everything correctly. But why don’t face it – not only children, but also to yourself, what in life without lying almost impossible to do. Whether we like it or not, but it “window dressing” helps us to exist in this reality. People lie constantly: eye to eye, speaking on the radio and on TV, both orally and in writing, in public and in intimate conversation. People lie to parents and children, spouses, friends, colleagues, superiors, subordinates and even casual companions. And, of course, ourselves. Unless your dog can’t lie, it is not suitable for this purpose – understands too few words. Psychologists have estimated that an ordinary man, a resident of the city, constantly in contact with others, the day tells a lie, on average, forty times. Agree with them and Dr. house, the hero of the cult TV series. the “devil.” he says, and it’s true.
I go while lying
The most common type of lie – a white lie. It is pronounced in the name of love, family, friendship, “I”, finally. Psychologists believe that the purpose of lying can be like achieving any goal, and attempt to avoid unwanted consequences. The husband praises new blouse wife which she, to put it mildly, is not quite, the wife thanks for the completely unnecessary juicer that my husband gave me for birthday. Everyone is happy, the family peace. Another common cause of lies – complexes, when a person is in any way wish to attract the views of others and begins to ascribe non-existent services. The reason for this childish bullshit in childhood and lies: instead of praising the man, his babyhood., setting an example for someone else who sang louder, jumped above or better said. Lying is bad, and it is impossible not to lie. But if you really want your child lied as little as possible, praise him and nurture his self-esteem and high self-esteem. Strong, confident person lie much less frequently.
From a young age
Children lie is one of the most studied by psychologists problems, but to deal with it yet no one could. Many scientists do believe that the fight against child lie useless. Primarily because we are serving the children of this example are insincere, keep silent or openly lying, hiding their true feelings and thoughts. Our “good manners” is often not that other, as covered by a form of lying. So the ability to Dodge and lie appears in some children almost simultaneously with the mastery of speech – at the age of two. If the child has informed you that a jam from the jar ate his Teddy bear, it is not necessary to panic. The ability to write such good reason is a sign of the rapidly developing brain activity. And more colorful than the images and excuses in children’s lies, the scientists believe, above developed children’s intelligence. So, you need to rejoice, not to mourn – the baby is growing good now! After all, what is a lie? It’s a fantasy for profit. The child very quickly need to get together and come up with a plausible story with all the detailed details. Great exercise for the development of imagination and logic! So they practice as they can. As soon as he began to speak, in two years, around 20 per cent of children strive to tell the truth, to three years, this figure reaches 50 %, and stretching the truth to the four already one in nine. However, six years before the children themselves often believe in the truth of their fantasies and are not always able to distinguish the truth from what they came up with.
The most insidious age is 8-9 years: in a given situation is able to lie, and quite deliberately – almost every child. They do this by what is called blue eye, purposefully lying to obtain some benefit or to protect themselves or their friends. No matter how cynical it sounds, but require the child’s total truthfulness generally not worth it. This is an unattainable goal, and it is unlikely you will like the result of such education. It is important that the falsity was not a pathological trait. The child corrected the deuce in the diary on the top five. Caught literally by the hand – but no, he insists: “This was done by the teacher, she was wrong!” Why not confess? It is understandable why, is afraid of the punishment. Let him know that you are far more upset not this poor deuce, which you can and be honest to fix it, and that he resorted to cheating. Cheating means not trusts. Think about it, aren’t you too hard on him. The child was not lying out of fear of punishment, never yell at him and threaten.
So, let us look truth in the eye. One of the main problems in the relationship “fathers and sons” – it wont last cunning and wits. To learn how to do it so that you are not exposed, trying all the children. And gifted it from infancy. Meanwhile our task is to bring young vranesic to clean water. On the one hand, then, to still be aware of the true events of their life and let yourself-admit it – that, as adults, they did it more subtly. How to understand that the child is lying to you? Agree, lying is a kind of work. Trying to fool the person, a liar is strained and worried. He changed the frequency of the pulse, the rhythm of breathing, blood pressure, body temperature and locomotor activity. That is why liars give themselves away by the fact that Werth, stutter, speak broken up words, grunting, or, conversely, increase the tone of voice, pokasivaut, yawn, lick their lips, teasing fingers everything that comes their way, shrug, interlock your palms and put them on the table before him, hands hiding under the table, brush your hair, scratching your nose, pinched the lobe of the ear. But even if your child is seen only in one thing, there is reason to doubt the veracity of his words! And yet, do not worry, when you catch your child in a lie. He just grew up to be the same as you and me.
It’s hard to lie to the man, looking him in the eye. In writing this is not so easy – axe, as you know, not cut down. Research conducted by Jeff Hancock of Cornell University (USA) showed that 14% of lies have to e-mail, 21% – on sms, 27% – on simple communication and 37% – to make telephone calls. In fact people with strong intuition in such cases feels some kind of trick, he hears that voice daughter announcing unexpected control, to prepare for which she has with her friends day and night, suddenly became higher than normal or, on the contrary, became husky. Or that the son suddenly spoke in an uncharacteristic fragmentary phrases,… however, most parents can easily buy a phone lie.