Is it Difficult to live children in a large family? Education and psychology
Children in a large family – the kids. With their abilities and challenges, sorrows and joys. For some reason only to them often attracted special attention: how dressed-shod? the way we behave? learn how? I often hear:“I suppose, tough, crowded and noisy …”. Or Vice versa: “Cool, fun, you, probably, have with whom to share the news, play”. Let’s face it: the relationship between children in large families are different. Similarly as in small! Same problems, same solutions, and with two children. Can Wozniacki and jealousy of another child, and unwillingness to help around the house, and problems with learning, behavior… But some stereotypes are particularly strong when it comes to talk about children from large families. For example, about the need for privacy, his personal room, which, alas, deprived of the majority of such children. Remember your own childhood, it ’s housing safe”: separate rooms had neither I nor my sisters, although the opportunity for this was. But the needs of loneliness – was not, on the contrary, for a long time I was uncomfortable to sleep in one room. Conversely, now, when in our apartment quite closely, though there is the opportunity to sleep tired or the baby, to prepare for the exam senior – the others will find room. Yes and how many families, hand on heart, can boast of a sufficient number of rooms?
Another concern of many – enough for everyone mother’s attention? Different… as the only child. And mom can be more or less loaded, and children are different – someone needs all the attention “to pull” of themselves, and some prefer only to occasionally glance at her mother, quietly doing their own thing. But the love of each mother enough for all children, regardless of their number.
The view “bad” children from large families were formed, probably due to explore the so-called asocial, or marginal, families where there are many children, left to themselves. However, in affluent families, perhaps even easier to set certain standards and rules of conduct, when several children. First, the child takes the example of others, and he often even in a head will not come, for example, don’t make my bed if it is done by everyone else. Secondly, the parents, to have enough for all forces, we have to stick to a certain routine, tradition – this greatly facilitates the daily household chores.
The relationship between children, position each one in the family depend on, what is their age difference. Same age or close to brothers and sisters closer friends, they have more in common. But the guys with the difference in have 5-10 years experience with “another generation of” the experience of gaining respect and patience, accounting altogether different interests, even daily routine. Here optimally – then consensus, of course, can not be. Every family is unique. Here are some of the views of many moms:
« about the friendship, somehow it seems to me that the smaller the age difference and greater in number, the children are United. So I sometimes
I regret that so much time is lost (in the sense that it was necessary to give birth in, not stretch out) “.
” I don’t know, but it seems to me, babe 4-5 years before you really need the attention of parents, and he’s reluctant to share with other children. Between my
senior 2 year difference. Now, part of your communication problems with the first I blamed it on the early maturity factor: brother was born, and with higher requirements, and the older, more calm, just didn’t get the allotted age.
Optimal difference – exactly 5 years, when a child is ready to interact with their peers and stretches learn about the world, less in need of our care. Senior just meekly played himself, while the mother was busy with the baby or housework (24 hours a day!). He doesn’t remember it, of course, but our third, for example, gets much more love and affection, receives in full from us, the parents, and older brothers, already capable of tenderness, mercy and affection. I hope they will be useful in the future “.
And, of course, a special role in a large family – the oldest child. Traditionally, they are regarded as, and often deservedly, main helpers in the family. It is harder for them and because I had to be initially in the role of an only child, so, in varying degrees, to experience “the pangs of jealousy”. But do not forget that the rights of more senior, and the other children usually try to keep up:
” I Have a senior, of course, is now the most active “helper” – he can go to the store, to wipe the floor, wash the dishes, cook something. Went here on a hike – so I do it equated to “men” – fire, firewood. But the average grew to the tap in the kitchen – love mugs-plates to rinse, and even when cooking to help – a Holy cause. Well, Junior is always happy to bring something to carry away from the table to clean, toys to clean up or bed. So duty to share are actually equally, I see. Just children to them gradually grow and gradually included “.
And our older often grow more Mature and responsible than their peers (especially if they ’ s youngest child in her family). And here, perhaps, the task of parents to the child ’s childhood was” that responsibility should not become “heavy burden”. Here is the story of another mom, by the way, it is not older, as of the second child:
“Our son is 12 years old. Every day in the summer I leave the hearth for half a day and he:
– abiotic two children 3 and 4 years and one brother 9 years
– feed them all twice
accordingly, cooks the food twice
– wash the dishes twice
– puts kids to sleep in the afternoon,
– go to the stores and negotiates the purchase of milk and eggs with individuals, including a loan,
– greets me and brings bags
– weeding the garden hoe,
– watering them,
– manages to alter personal files: play badminton with sweetheart, to burn a fire with it, to drive a bike and go on the sea, read a lot of books (he’s a bibliophile).
Suggest that out of many children son wouldn’t so early I absolutely reliable support. The same applies to Junior, but to a lesser degree, of course. It seems to us that this is NORMAL development. ”
And now, perhaps, it is time to give the word to the child from a large family.
” Can absolutely frankly to confess: I never had “ashamed” of his large family to seriously regret that I am older. Until quite conscious age I lived without brothers and sisters, and so I happened to be the only child, then to live in a family where two children and, finally, in a large. When I was single, I really wanted to have a brother or sister. However, to the babies I was somehow indifferent and dreamed about the same age. But also appeared in the house baby, I was pretty happy, especially as he was growing up fast, and play with him, it became more interesting. Waiting for the third child in the family, too, was calm and joyful. Actually, I think that three children – is not a “lot”, and why this family has – is a mystery to me. Very surprised when friends exclaimed: “you Have two brothers! Wow!”, although two – it’s not much more than one.
The reaction of others – that is, perhaps, the only thing that slightly bothered me when the news about the appearance of their next child, which I perceived only with joy. For a long time already it is necessary to hear: “wow! So how are you, poor? Because they do not have time?” And already tired to assure friends that it’s not all bad: sometimes I help parents, sometimes play with the younger, but it is enough and I even imagine you take pleasure in. The family, where children are more than two, not necessarily noisy and everything in its path, sweeping the crowd.
I’m sure the eldest child in a large family falls best role. He first goes through everything, he gets excellent skills for the future education of their children, as well as the unlimited confidence and respect of younger that you can teach a lot. With regard to authority vested in me – not so many, or rather, not much. Moreover, as a rule, in large families parents help at home is not only the firstborn, and all more or less grown children. In General, about their place in the family never regret. I hope that my kids will not be little. But not more than twenty “.